Helping Siblings Cope: When their brother or sister gets a new medical diagnosis

When a child is diagnosed with a medical condition, the entire family feels the impact—including siblings. As a pediatric psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand how a diagnosis like epilepsy, muscular dystrophy, cancer, or a tic disorder can bring up big emotions in brothers and sisters. I, myself, am a sister of a brother who went through cancer! It can be complex and tricky to talk to the non-complex sibling in a way they will truly understand. They might feel confused, scared, left out, or even jealous of the extra attention their sibling is receiving. The mixed emotions of fear (because they love their sibling) and jealousy (because they feel left out) leave many siblings suffering in silence.

As parents, it’s natural to focus on the child with the diagnosis, but supporting all of your children is key to maintaining a strong, connected family. Here’s how you can help siblings understand, process, and cope with their brother or sister’s medical condition in a way that nurtures their emotional well-being.

1. Explain the Diagnosis in an Age-Appropriate Way

Children are incredibly observant—they will notice when something is different. Rather than letting them fill in the blanks with their imagination, give them clear, honest, and age-appropriate explanations.

📌 For young children (ages 3-6)
Keep it simple: “Your sister has something called epilepsy. It means sometimes her brain has little storms, and that’s why she has seizures. Doctors are helping us take care of her.”

📌 For elementary-aged children (ages 7-11)
Use relatable comparisons: “Your brother has muscular dystrophy. That means his muscles don’t get stronger the way yours do. It’s like if you were trying to run a race with a really heavy backpack—he has to work harder to do the same things.”

📌 For tweens and teens
Be direct and factual: “Your sister has Tourette’s syndrome, which means she has movements and sounds that she can’t always control. It’s not something she can stop, but there are therapies that can help.”

💡 Tip: Encourage questions. Let them ask anything—even if it’s tough. If you don’t know an answer, it’s okay to say, “That’s a great question. Let’s find out together.”

2. Validate Their Feelings (Even the Hard Ones!)

Siblings often experience a mix of emotions:

✅ Worry: “Will my brother get worse?”
✅ Guilt: “I shouldn’t complain—I’m not the one who’s sick.”
✅ Jealousy: “Mom and Dad spend more time with my sister.”
✅ Embarrassment: “What if kids at school make fun of my brother?”

All of these feelings are valid. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel frustrated, scared, or even mad. A simple phrase like:

🗣️ “It’s okay to feel this way. Your feelings are real, and I’m here to help you through them.”

can go a long way in making them feel heard and supported.

💡 Tip: Give siblings a safe space to express emotions, whether through journaling, drawing, or one-on-one time with you.

3. Make Sure They Still Feel Seen and Special

It’s easy for siblings to feel like they’ve been pushed to the side when so much focus is on their brother or sister’s medical needs. Make sure they still feel valued and important:

✨ One-on-One Time – Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, having dedicated “just us” time reassures them that they are still a priority.
✨ Praise Their Strength – “I know it’s been a big change for our family, and I see how patient and kind you’ve been. That means a lot.”
✨ Keep Their Routine Intact – Sticking with sports, hobbies, and playdates helps them feel a sense of normalcy.

💡 Tip: If extended family or friends ask how they can help, ask them to take the sibling out for a special day—a fun distraction can do wonders!

4. Help Them Handle Questions and Social Situations

Siblings may worry about what to say if friends or classmates ask about their brother or sister’s condition. Role-playing common questions can help them feel prepared and confident.

🔹 If a classmate asks, “Why does your sister make those sounds?”
→ “She has Tourette’s, which makes her do that. It’s just how her brain works!”

🔹 If a friend asks, “What happens when your brother has a seizure?”
→ “His brain has a little storm, and he might shake or seem confused. It goes away after a few minutes.”

Some kids might feel protective of their sibling, while others might feel awkward or want space—both are okay. Support their unique way of processing these situations.

5. Involve Siblings in Their Own Way

Giving siblings a role in their brother or sister’s care (that they feel comfortable with) can empower them instead of making them feel helpless.

👩‍⚕️ Little helpers: Younger kids might enjoy helping with simple things like bringing a stuffed animal to the hospital or picking a bedtime story.

🎗️ Advocates: Older siblings might want to join a charity walk, create awareness at school, or educate their friends about the condition.

💡 Tip: Let siblings choose how involved they want to be—never force them to take on responsibilities they’re not ready for.

6. Create a “Family Team” Mindset

A diagnosis can feel isolating, but framing it as something the whole family will navigate together helps siblings feel included rather than separate.

🏡 Use “We” Statements – “We are learning about this together.”
❤️ Celebrate Wins Together – “Your sister walked to the mailbox today without getting tired—let’s do a happy dance!”
💪 Acknowledge Everyone’s Role – “We’re all on the same team, and we help each other in different ways.”

💡 Tip: Some families find it helpful to name their team—The “Mighty Millers” or “Team Brave”—to reinforce the idea that everyone is working together.

Final Thoughts: Siblings Need Support Too

When one child is diagnosed with a medical condition, the whole family is affected. By providing honest communication, emotional validation, and a sense of inclusion, you can help siblings process, cope, and even thrive in the face of change.

Remember—there is no perfect way to do this. The most important thing is that your child knows:

💛 They are loved.
💛 Their feelings matter.
💛 You are here to support them, no matter what.

If you need guidance on helping your family adjust, I’m here to help. Feel free to reach out or share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear your experiences!